This Run Lift Mom Podcast Episode is about how to say no and is a throwback segment from Chris Kenon’s 2 part episode about her journey with creating a healthy lifestyle.
She lost over 100 pounds, relapsed, lost 40 again, and then became a fitness professional and triathlete!
In fact, depending on when you’re reading this, she is either about to complete a full Ironman (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and 26.2 run) or she already has.
It’s bananas, right?
From barely being able to walk up the stairs without being winded to full Ironman.
It’s not about the weight loss…it’s about being healthy and embracing the ability to do amazing things with your body!
So, for this show, I took the really juicy part about being a people pleaser and finding the courage to say NO. Enjoy!
Show Transcript
Chris: And that’s really where I started to see the change personally within myself is I started taking a lot of me and giving it to a lot of the community and people and time and doing events. I’m sitting on boards and then my kids are going in high school and they need me because they don’t know it, but they, because they know everything, but they really do need me.
Suzy: They don’t want anything to do with you, but they need you.
Chris: So, then I literally just over the course of four years, completely fell off and gained back, gosh, almost 40 pounds. And I got into a rut, like I still like to run, but I got burned out on running. I got to the point where I was like, I don’t need to train because I can literally sit on the couch and then go run a half marathon and finish in two and a half hours.
I know I can. So what’s the point? It’s a terrible, terrible, but I mean, life happens. It is, it really happens. And then I was, and I have a friend and, and I was, I was depressed and I was not happy anymore. And then I had to go buy a whole new wardrobe and, and I was like, what’s going on with me? And my friend was like, you need to find track.
You need to find your traction. And I was like, well, what’s different with me now. I’m not working out. I’m not exercising. I’m not taking care of myself. I’m too busy taking care of everybody else. And with all of that, I just completely fell off and gained all the weight and became depressed.
I said, that’s it. I’m saying no, I’m learning how to say no to people because I’m a people pleaser. I’m like, yes, I can do that. And yes, I can do that and overcome it.
Suzy: how did you learn how to say no? Let me clarify that. You mean saying no, instead of being a people pleaser insane. Yes. Every time someone asks something of you feeling comfortable with saying, I can not do that.
Chris: Yep. I have to be honest. I still feel guilty when I tell people, no, because I want to please, the people, you know, I’ve had people ask me to write grants for them. Cause I’m in nonprofit and they need to raise money for their nonprofit. And I was so close to saying yes, and like, you know, what happens if you say yes, well, the last four years is what happens.
Fallen back and doing what you used to do and putting everyone else first, put yourself, so, like, I’m sorry, I can’t, I just don’t have the time. And I could hear the disappointment in their voice and it crushed my heart because I wanted to help and I know what they need and I wanted to be the savior.
But you just can’t.
Suzy: I agree. Do you feel like as women, as mothers, we can sometimes train our friends to expect a yes from us?
Chris: Oh yeah.
But say no, you just have to, and you have to not feel bad about it. You’ve got to and it’s you just. Say no
Suzy: So if let’s say like in this room, we have a people pleaser. That’s like, man, that sounds awesome. But like help me find my words. I don’t know how to say it. Can you give us an example of like saying here we go, , Hey Chris, I really need you. You know what? My audio didn’t work. I need you to come over here and record this whole podcast all over again.
I know it’s when you’ve got your, your bike or your run, your break workout schedule. Give us an example of finding your words on something like that.
Chris: Well, usually I think thankfully most of the time I can do it over email or something, so I can collect my words,
It’s like you teach a man how to fish. He’ll be able to feed his family for the rest of his life. So you need to start, I like to try to be more resourceful to people. Like, let me teach you how to do it. Let me show you where to go and figure that out versus me doing it for you. I’m not coming back to you again and again.
Yeah. I like that. Yeah. And that’s, that’s how I’ve had to do some of this stuff, you know? , will you be on our board this year? You know, I just don’t have time. I’m sorry. I can’t, , you know, will you help me fundraise I’m fundraising for my own troop right now? I that’s a con I kind of a conflict that I won’t be any good to you,
Suzy: but that’s a good, fair thing to say.
I mean, like for me, right? So it’s easy. I’ve got all the kids, here’s my standard. And I encourage anybody else to use this:
I can’t. I don’t say I’m sorry, because sometimes I’m not. I can’t, if I do this for you, I’m either taking away from my personal time with God, my own fitness or my kids. If I give to you, I’ll have to take from one of those things and I’m just not in a position to do it. ,
This is an exercise in figure out what you’re going to say before someone approaches you with it, because then you feel a lot more confident saying it, if you know your words
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